Texting an ex in a period of boredom and loneliness, a tale as old as time. Quarantine opens that story right back up, staring at the front page of temptation.
For me the story is a little different this go round. My ex is not the one from a few years ago you check on to stalk on social media every once and awhile, but a painful breakup that peaked right before everyone was shut into their homes and forced to put a pause on life and all its messes.
I have been texting my ex a lot during quarantine, and before you go all “Oh no girl don’t,” I am just fine with it. Dealing with all the falling outs of a breakup followed by a quick re-kindling has made my quarantine a little different than most.
Deciding to get back together with someone who broke your heart is never a small feat, but putting that decision in conjunction with a global pandemic and massive lockdown, does not make it any easier.
The details that led to the end of my relationship were put on blast by a gossip frenzy painting me either as the victim to a tragic end, or to some, an inconvenience. Either way, the tower that needed to be rebuilt was trust. Now trust is both the foundation and skyscraper in a relationship, so how do you find the right tools to even start on the scaffolding when you are incapable of seeing each other?
Not being able to see someone means that you have to take every little thing they tell you as the truth. If they tell you they're social distancing with the boys you have to believe it. However, after having your trust dismantled by your partner just taking their word for something no longer feels the way it once did.
Listening and believing are two very separate ideas. You can easily listen to something someone says and not believe a damn word. In a relationship, that is not really the goal. Relationships are about believing, trusting. If trust has been broken then it's about re-establishing it.
I believe that trust can be earned back. With that being said, I am no easy person to win over so the only way to earn something in my opinion is to work your ass off for it.
Fixing a relationship is a twenty four hour job neither partner can decide to take a day off of. Mix that with the inability to actually be together in person due to a deadly virus and it feels like the constant effort may never pay off.
Making it work involves a myriad of facetime movie dates, ipigeon messaging games, and texts about whatever mundane activities we have gotten up to. Being able to stay in contact as much as we can has helped rebuild trust. Do not get me wrong, it is a slow process. We both have to put in the work to tell the truth, communicate, and understand. Talking through problems over the phone or facetime rather than text is a lesson we learned a year ago, and has been very constructive while being quarantined.
Being apart from one another escalates problems. Every fight is more passionate due to bottled up frustration from being apart. Adding that up with a damaged relationship and it can seem like you're fighting a losing battle. Perseverance is the word of the day here.
If the relationship is worth salvaging, which in my case it is, then no matter how difficult it feels and how hard each day is at the end of it all what really matters is that neither party will give up on the other and will work together to listen, understand, and love, even through the obstacles of quarantine.
Comments